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Tuesday, October 13, 2015

The Time Has Come...

I had nothing to write this morning. And then I read this and wanted to share it. I know that for me (and many many others) we are our own worst critic.

"My beloved child, break your heart no longer.
Each time you judge yourself, you break your own heart.
You stop feeding on the love, which is the wellspring of your vitality.
The time has come. Your time. To live. To celebrate,
and to see the goodness that you are…
Do not fight the dark. Just turn on the light.
Let go, and breathe into the goodness that you are..." Swami Kripalu

If we allow ourselves to we can pick apart everything that we are doing in life...and how we're doing it wrong. But what about the things we're doing right? I'm far from even touching perfect. I feel failure all too often for teeny tiny little things that maybe I'm not doing right. I gave the baby a Poptart for lunch instead of steamed veggies full of nutrients. Many days I feel like I am incapable of keeping my house in order; clean, organized,etc...

I let the big boy watch TV instead of coming up with some nifty Pinterest-worthy Halloween craft or project because I was just mentally wiped out. I dipped my hands into that beloved bag of Halloween candy at 9pm because the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups were literally calling my name. My willpower shattered. I waited to order the baby's Halloween costume and now it's out of stock...way to go Me! 

I chose to come home and read instead of taking a hike. I haven't been to yoga in over a week. I blew my budget because I made the mistake of going to Target (and we all know the power that Target can have on you right?) I mean, I could come up with a million little things that make me feel bad about myself.

 Maybe you're reading this and thinking.."Um, no big deal dude...it's a peanut butter cup!" And what's worst is I KNOW. We all have days. The above mentioned things make me so annoyed at myself it's not even funny. That girl is so annoying.  Or maybe you're reading this thinking "Amen. Let's stop this nonsense" because you too judge yourself harshly. We have moments. I can choose to not judge others and yet I still judge myself so hard. I wouldn't treat a friend that way so why do it to myself? If I'm going to judge myself I should make it about big things. 

And so that's where I was this morning....and then I read this and it made me feel better. Made me question my judginess (is that a word?).  I want to turn on the light and not break my own heart, for the love of all the Peanut Butter cups in the world! 

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Going Dark

I have so many things I want to write about on this blog. I really do. Like how excited I am that it's Fall. How I've been reading some amazing books that have been pretty transformative. About how I've been thinking about "home" a lot lately and what and where that is for me. How sentimental I've been about certain friendships and thinking about the past. But oh my gosh, having little kids occasionally can swipe all of the energy out of you. It's like I am an ATM machine and they withdraw all of my energy daily...but no one is there to deposit more when I need it. Well, my good friend coffee helps me out but even that can't compete on some days. By the end of the day I. AM. DONE.

So I've been dark. Typing up drafts of thoughts that are incomplete. Logging on and then having to shut down almost right away as the baby wakes up from her nap (of course). The stars haven't aligned the last few weeks. I think I blame some of the behavior over here on the moon, all lunar eclipse and all.

But I am SUPER excited for the next few weeks. We have so many fun events coming up that I can't stand it (and that doesn't even include Halloween which is my fave). This weekend we'll be attending the annual Lebeau Fest over which I've blogged about before....hello adults night only!! WOO WOO! Aiden starts Flag Football (with the hubs stepping up to coach) and there is just nothing cuter.

The following weekend is our annual wine tasting that we attend with some of our great friends which is basically like the ultimate Sunday Funday and then the following weekend we get to go to DC to witness one of my best friends getting married!

Time to start looking for outfits that don't involve yoga pants!!!

Happy Fall Ya'll!!!!

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Let Her Fly...

My heart is heavy today. I mentioned in an earlier  post that the anniversary of my Mama passing away was near. Today is that day. It has been one year since my Mama (Ma-Maw), Corine, passed away. A year ago I was living in what I can only describe as new Mommy fog. Tired. Blurry. It all seemed to not really be happening. 

Piper was so tiny...a mere 4 weeks old at that time. I know this day is going to be extra hard for Mom and her sisters and of course for my Papa. I'm going to try and stay positive today. I'm going to fire up my computer, do some work, listen to Dolly and make some Mama peas. 

Every time I hear this song I think of her. I love how songs can give you comfort like a big warm hug. We love her. We miss her. But she had a wonderful and long life.

"Let Her Fly"

There's a wreath on the door
She don't live here no more
As of today, she flew home
And we all gathered here
In sorrow and tears
It won't be the same with her gone
There's a place on the hill
That's peaceful and still
Where she'll sleep beside daddy again
The ole' family tree is shedding it's leaves
But we'll all met in heaven again

Oh, she's an angel
Let her fly, let her fly
She's gone home to glory
To her home in the sky
When God sees her comin'
Heaven's choir will smile
And sing, "oh she's an angel, let her fly, let her fly
Ooh, she's an angel, let her fly"
She used to rock me when I was a child
Sing "rock of ages" and "in the sweet bye and bye"
Her life wasn't easy, oh but how hard she tried
You know she's an angel, lord, so let her fly

Let her fly
Ooh she's an angel, let her fly

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Labor Day Recap

Labor Day is officially behind us and I must join the outpouring of people who are just ready for Fall! I love Summer. I do. But Fall is my jam. It's when I just feel so alive and excited for just about everything...

It's not just me..Aiden is absolutely over the moon for Halloween. In fact, he told us this weekend he likes Halloween MORE than Christmas! We'll see if that sticks come November. He was already busy making masks, decorations for the house and even drew a map of the yard with plans for decorations. Things are getting serious.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Puttin' Up; a story of love in a mason jar


For as long as I can remember, we have left Mama and Papa's house (that's Ma-maw and Pa-paw for those who spell it correctly) with mason jars and freezer bags of things they have put up that year; fig preserves, pears,sweet pickles, pink lady peas, black eyed peas, butter beans, pecans and peanuts (oh the peanuts..).

A few weeks ago after a visit, I came home with figs, a bag of pecans that Papa had already shelled, and peas. My freezer and pantry were stocked and everyone is happy when Momma says on a Sunday we'll be having "Mama and Papa" Peas for dinner or Figs wrapped in prosciutto with goat cheese(okay...so the adults are happy about that one but have you tried it? Game changer.)

Thursday, August 27, 2015

The Happiness Crisis

“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” ~Brother David Steindl-Rast
Photo courtesy of Tiny Buddah

In the past month I have read at least three books with a similar message...about living abundantly where you are, savoring small moments, finding pockets of time for yourself to enjoy the small things in life. Really great reads. Really uplifting. In that time, I have also had countless conversations with friends about similar topics as well as came across a few blog posts and many podcasts speaking the same message. This conversation is literally everywhere I turn. Coincidence? Uh, I don't think so.

Certainly if I am reading/hearing so much of this need and desire to seek happiness in the tiny moments and to just plain enjoy the life that is happening right in front of us that this is some sort of real problem with folks. A Pain Point. It feels like a Happiness Crisis... a problem that people are struggling with day to day. Why are we seeking these small moments and trying to learn to really appreciate what we have and where we are in life when we should be doing that without even thinking about it? What can I do to make sure this is no longer a struggle for me but just the way I live?

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

All good things are wild & free...

As the teacher handed out the tambourines and egg shakers I watched her eyes light up with excitement. We had our first day of music class together and it was everything I hoped it would be. As I sat there shaking the eggs and singing Old MacDonald I flash backed to attending a similar class with Aiden when we lived in Chicago. I loved that time that we had together. I loved watching him play and interact with other little ones, picking up the rhythm of the songs and tapping along. He still loves music and I believe that those classes helped build what will hopefully be a lifetime of appreciation.

I'm so grateful to have the chance to do this with Piper as well. She will be one tomorrow. One year since she came into our lives and changed it forever. One year of adjusting to life with two children and navigating the ways to make sure they both feel attended to and loved no matter what. One year of many sleepless and disrupted nights as we realized she wasn't going to be quite the sleeper that her brother was at this stage. One year of recognizing the differences between the two of them but loving all of those little differences. One year of watching her interact and adore her big brother and feeling proud that he has such a loving heart of gold.